I'm going to jail i love you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
