Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
