i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
