is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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