He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In other news, I just burned my penis
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
