girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
