If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am naked and annoyed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
