the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
