did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
