I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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