She announced her abortion via fbk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize