so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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