I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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