I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
