there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
