This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
