Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
