I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize