You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
