Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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