dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
