THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
