Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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