Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He shit in the fireplace
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
