umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
