I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
