This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
