He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
