I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
