I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i dont even know how to be here
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize