He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
