I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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