how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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