drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
