he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
