I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
