Porn is love you can see.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
