Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
