just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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