Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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