i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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