If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
