She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize