dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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