He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
