just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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