College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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