so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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