make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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