Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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