I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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