Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize