every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
