Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
