WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Two words: blizzard sex
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
