I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
