If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
