I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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