Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
