she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
