Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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