Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
