Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
