Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
tell me about the eggs
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