went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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