I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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