Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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