finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
