conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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