I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
