Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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