Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
