kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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