I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
