I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize